Are You Tired Of Feeling Rejected or Excluded?Posted: July 31, 2013
My 77 year old mother recently told me how bad she felt that a neighbor excluded her from a party that she was throwing. Interestingly, at the same time, I was dealing with my younger daughter feeling bad that she was excluded from a play date. In the past, I have also felt excluded from an email exchange, a parent carpool to my child’s sporting event or a meeting at work. At some point, I thought to myself at what age does this feeling of rejection or being excluded ever end?
If we are willing to reflect on our actions, sometimes we find that we were excluded because we have not been kind and thoughtful to others. More often, we are merely being ourselves and other people don’t include us for that exact reason. When we react to these situations by feeling not cared for or not good enough and we search for confirmation of love or worth, we can end up feeling very lonely, empty and even angry. Our focus is all about what we are not getting from other people and we tend to believe that they are the reason why we are disappointed and unhappy at times in our lives.
Whenever I feel this type of rejection, I always go back to the mantra, “I am the love that I seek.” If someone said this mantra to me many years ago, I probably would have gone right back to the story of how someone excluded me and how justified my anger was towards them. Yet over the years, I have realized that this story is a losing proposition. When I sit around and complain about what I am not getting from others I always end up suffering, I feel stuck and have no soothing solution. When I say the mantra, “I am the love that I seek” over and over again my heart starts to slowly feel differently. As I start to see myself as love, the emptiness begins to go away. My heart need not search for what I am not getting because I am filled with how much love I have to give. For me, it makes me want to have a big party for my mother and my daughter and even invite the people that excluded them, and form my own carpool to drive to my daughter’s sporting events even if sometimes I drive alone. This way I am not looking for anyone to give me what I need because I realize that it already exists within me. I feel less needy, more giving, and less rattled by how other people are behaving.
Realizing love comes from within doesn’t mean we won’t feel hurt when someone chooses not to include us in an activity, but it does give us a place to stand that is warm and inviting. With the realization that we are the source of love, we can take a deep breath and give some love to ourselves and the situation we are facing. As love fills our hearts, the search for love outside ourselves fades and we can move forward with kindness and generosity and bring light and hope to whatever situation we face.
I hope you give the mantra a try. MAYBE you’ll find the love you desire was with you all along!